King's College Dublin: Home of Educational Excellence since 1834
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One Degree Under? We can make the difference

In the competitive world of today, the only way up is by degrees of excellence. King's College Dublin is committed to supplying those degrees in a cost-effective and time-efficient manner. We take the trouble, so you don't have to. Our OutcomeAssured(TM) Residential Degrees, Part-Time Degrees and Distance Diplomas are rigorously assessed and validated by PUQIS, the Private Universities Quality Inspection System, headquartered in the Cayman Islands. PUQIS's expert staff, working 24/7, closely monitor the ratio of input to output, the ratio of study hours and pages turned to marks scored, and the proportion of A grades awarded on each of the 36 Mini-Modules that go to make up the KCD "Super-Batchelor" degree. If any of our teachers falls below the prescribed targets on any of these criteria, alarm bells ring and they are summoned to appear before UPAT, the Undergraduate Progression and Academic Tenure Board of the College. Students can thereforebe assured that customer care and satisfaction will always conform to the highest standards of courtesy, predictability and Value-For-Money.

There has been a lot of talk lately about questionable qualifications being awarded by non-accredited universities. King's College Dublin sets its face against such practices. In our view, and you can call it old-fashioned if you like, university degrees should be based on solid achievement, either in the academic arena or in the wider field's of life experience and leadership parameters going forward.

Apart from our regular degrees, of course we offer an Honorary Award Program. Like all leading universities, King's College Dublin regularly recognizes the achievements of public figures, industrial leaders, and ordinary citizens who have made a major verifiable contribution to the good of society. If you would like to nominate somebody (yourself, maybe?) in any or all of those categories, please contact the Outstanding Achievements Recognition Section, Bursarial Office, King's College Dublin. Honorary degree ceremonies take place five times a year, in the new Forde Center at the Phoenix Park campus. We can offer Honorary BA, Honorary BSocAchieve, Honorary MA, MSc, MRule, PhD, PPP, DPhil, DocSoc, DocExcell, DocBusLead and DocStud degrees. Terms and conditions apply.

Picture the scene as you stroll up to the mahogany dais in our state-of-the-art College Auditorium, your family wiping tears of pride with the aid of complimentary linenette hankies bearing the College Crest, while over the public address system, swathed in peals of authentic Wurlitzer Preludes and Fugues, the immortal Latin phrases of our conferring peroration come rolling in like thunder: "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat." And then your name amd profession. Say you were a car dealer named John Smith. "Nuntio vobis gaudium magnum: habemus doctorem novum stultissimum Dominum Johannem Smithium, Fundatorem et Titularium Motorum Emporium Smithium Principalium Negotiorum Hotchkissium Studebakeriorumque, propter magnam munificentiam suam pro fundis cateraribus huius Collegii. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat." As you leave the stage and make your way towards a sumptuous sherry reception in the ancient Senior Common Room, you will receive a parchment incorporating a digital photograph of your good self in a Royal Blue gown and mortarboard, suitable for framing.

Distasteful rumours about the King's College honorary degree system have recently been put about by rival academics of questionable standing, in works of so-called literature masquerading as crime fiction. These scurrilous texts can be safely ignored.

Faithfully yours -- Bob McBrotty, STD, ACA (Acting Pro-Bursar)

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